she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
