the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
