im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
