I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
