The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
