So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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