Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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