3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
