I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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