Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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