I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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