First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
