A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
