I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
