HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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