I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
