the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
