I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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