Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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