i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are a genius and a whore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
