Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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