If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
