shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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