I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
