she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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