We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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