So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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