We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
