I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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