Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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