no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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