hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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