No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
