Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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