I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i think my cat just said my name.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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