Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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