3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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