Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize