Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
