I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The struggles of a small town man whore
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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