Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
