found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
