My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize