Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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