If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
