I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
