STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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