Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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