roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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