Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
