The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
