I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
