She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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