so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
