Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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