bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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