Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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