i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
