i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize