Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
