Where did you get a picture of my penis
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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