Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
