i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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