Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
