this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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