He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
