so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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