So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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