I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we should paint friendship bongs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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