she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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