I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
