Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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